Where Do You Want to Celebrate Your 84th Birthday?

I Fly to Israel for My Mother’s 84th Birthday

by Lori Levy

We celebrate in the hills. My sisters spread blankets
on a grassy slope in the Forest of Angels,
Ya’ar Hamalakhim, and there, under pines and oaks—
our parents on beach chairs that seem to float away
in a sea of wildflowers—we feast on the lunch they’ve laid out
on a table in the clearing: lasagna and quiche,
schnitzel, potatoes, salads, fresh peppers.
No balloons at this party, but we have bright red
anemones, clusters of pink columbine, white-pink asphodel,
tangles of mustard weed, yellow and green,
and down below, in the valley, the woolly backs of sheep
that a Bedouin has brought to graze on the tall grass,
their maaing and baaing blending with the Arabic music
blaring from a radio nearby, where a group of men,
hands on each other’s shoulders, bodies linked,
kick their legs, slide this way and that way,
marking the beat that echoes through the trees—
while we chatter and laugh, our parents surrounded
by their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren,
and I think: this is what I want, too,
a birthday party outdoors when I’m 84,
no walls around me, just a spot with a view,
sun warming my wrinkled cheek
while I gaze with pleasure at the family we’ve produced,
my husband at my side, details beginning to blur perhaps—
but what will that matter if I can have a moment
of lasagna in the woods, cake and wildflowers and a birthday song
filled with the moaning of sheep and squeals of revelry
and, clear and emphatic and ever-present, my mother’s voice,
reminding me once again that it’s important to laugh,
at ourselves, our lives.

From What Do You Mean When You Say Green? And Other Poems of Color (Kelsay Books, 2023).
Used here with permission.

From Your Daily Poem, here.

Jewish or Goyish? A Comprehensive List…

I don’t know if kosher; I don’t understand it all, Baruch Hashem, but… here goes (probably doesn’t apply to Israeli Jews):

Judges Are Jewish
Juries Are Goyish

Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish
Using them is Goyish

Ordering family style is Jewish
Ordering a la carte is Goyish

Cruises are Jewish
Walking tours are Goyish

Laugh-In was Jewish
Hee Haw was Goyish

Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish
Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish

Bunions are Jewish
Flat feet are Goyish

Simon Says is Jewish
The Hokey Pokey is Goyish

“Bewitched” is Jewish
“I Dream of Jeannie” is Goyish

The Limbo is Jewish
Line dancing is Goyish

Picking from your mate’s plate is Jewish
Not wanting even a “little taste” is Goyish

Fruitcake is Goyish
Fruit and cake is Jewish

Reading “how-to” books is Goyish
Writing “how-to” books is Jewish

ESPN is Goyish
PBS is Jewish

Tiffany’s is Goyish
Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish

Passing bars is Goyish
Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish

DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish
PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he’s doing) is Jewish

Mary Kay is Goyish
Murry the K is Jewish

The Chia pet infomercial is Goyish
Ronco spray-on hair is Jewish

Morbidly obese is Goyish
Baby fat is Jewish

NASCAR is Goyish. Period.

West Coast is Goyish
East Coast is Jewish

Lunch meat is Goyish;
Deli is Jewish

White bread is Goyish;
Rye is Jewish

Sushi is Jewish;
Chopsticks are Goyish

Comforters are Goyish
Suspenders are Jewish;

Overalls are Goyish
Waldbaum’s was Jewish;

A&P was Goyish.
(Now A&P is the parent company of Waldbaum’s!)

Alan Sherman was Jewish;
Weird Al Yankovic, not so much

Laughing at someone else’s troubles is Goyish;
Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish

“Youngsters” are Goyish,
“Kids” are Jewish

Buttering bread is Goyish;
Spreading margarine is Jewish

Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish:
Standing and waving one’s hands is Jewish

I have just one thing to say about the Heineken can. Maybe beer is Goyish, but Freddie Heineken, the founder of the Heineken Brewery in Amsterdam (a very Jewish city) was a Jewish man…just thought to tell you that…well, pointing this out is Jewish too, I think…

WWF is Goyish,
the NBA is Jewish

Tattoos and piercing are Goyish;
Diamonds and pearls are Jewish

Ham sandwiches are Goyish;
Corned beef on rye is Jewish

White sox are Goyish;
No sox are Jewish

Saving Money is Goyish;
Investing money is Jewish

Snowmobiling is Goyish;
Skiing is Jewish

Doing Landscaping is Goyish;
Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish

Beer is Goyish;
Wine is Jewish

Frizzy hair is Jewish;
Stick straight flat hair is Goyish

A party that revolves around the buffet table is Jewish
A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish!

Making lists of what’s Jewish and what’s not…
is VERY Jewish!!