I know a few married couples that break all the rules (of any accepted school of thought) and have great Shalom Bayis (yes, I do know).
How is this possible? Simple.
The couple doesn’t come to the marriage with much spiritual “baggage”. Either that or they do full Teshuvah for prior sins.
Fine, this comes across as reactionary. Sue me (and also name as respondents the Arizal, Netziv, Chida).