HUMOR: The Moocher Misfortune

Online Reader Fed Up With 3% of the Free Content on His Favorite, Totally-Free Site

By |January 25th, 2020|Categories: Satire

(St. Louis, MO) — Ronald Hartenberg is angry that some of the free articles he has been reading on his favorite website simply don’t appeal to him. “It’s frustrating,” Mr. Hartenberg says. “I mean, I love and agree with about 97% of what they publish, but the other 3% or so… ugh! It makes me so mad, I am thinking of unfollowing them on Facebook.”

When asked why he doesn’t simply skip those articles he doesn’t like, Mr. Hartenberg replied: “It’s not that easy. See, those articles still appear in my newsfeed, and it’s really hard not to look at them. I almost can’t help myself as I scroll through my feed endlessly. I often end up seeing them a few times a day. Sometimes the title just really irritates me, and in the heat of the moment, I just don’t want to have anything to do with the site again.”

“Why can’t they think exactly the way I think on every issue and in every detail? I know they have, like, hundreds of authors, but I hold the site as a whole responsible for deviating from my settled opinions on any given issue.”

Mr. Hartenberg was last seen trying to figure out how to cancel his free, non-password-protected, all-access rights to the site in an effort to make a clear, unambiguous statement of displeasure to the editors.

From The Imaginative Conservative, here.