Lessons on Dealing with a Hypocrite
by R. Gidon Rothstein
Parshat VaYetzei
The comment from HaKetav VeHaKabbalah I chose for this week highlights how hard it can be to spot hypocrisy, at least in Scripture.
Lavan’s Skillful Self-Defense
In chapter 31 of Bereshit, Lavan berates Ya’akov for fleeing, taking Leah and Rachel as if captives of war, accuses Ya’akov of stealing Lavan’s idols, and checks the whole camp. When he fails to find them, Ya’akov complains about his father in law’s suspicions, this after twenty years of faithful service. Lavan’s reply, verses 43-44, rubs R. Mecklenburg very much the wrong way.
Lavan says the whole family is really his, he was looking out for his daughters, and suggests a pact. A common ploy by evildoers, says HaKetav VeHaKabbalah, who distract from their own wrongs by accusing the righteous [sadly, something Israel is currently experiencing, from Hamas and its allies, all over the world], then portray themselves as peacemakers.
They sweep their misdeeds under the rug, assign all blame to the often innocent other, then (seemingly magnanimously) suggest wiping away the past, not bringing it up any more, as long as the other commits not to do wrong in the future. In this case, Lavan adds that Ya’akov has to promise not to mistreat his wives, Lavan’s daughters (as if that was an issue).
How To Know When Evil Has Changed
Whether or not we should read these verses that way, it is, sadly, a very perceptive comment about how some people or groups act. They muddy the waters of truth by finding some way to accuse the other side, often baselessly, misdirecting attention from their much larger wrongs. [We supporters of Israel call it false equivalence. It comes up elsewhere, where one side justifies its wrongs by pointing at supposedly equivalent wrongs on the other.]
In our case, Lavan has Ramban on his side, showing us just how hard it is to catch a Lavan. R. Mecklenburg himself notes Ramban thought Lavan was sincerely worried about his daughters and their children, and was trying to guarantee their wellbeing. R. Mecklenburg disagrees, is astonished by Ramban’s finding the good in a man whom tradition says tried to do worse to us than Par’oh [in the Pesach Seder; while the particular formulation we use is only first found in the ninth-century Seder R. Amram Gaon, Sifrei to Devarim does have the essential idea of Lavan having been intent on destroying the entire Jewish people].
He plays off Mishlei 12;10, the compassion (or mercy) of an evildoer is actually cruel, highlighting a recurring challenge, not only in Scripture: how do we spot when someone who has been bad until now has turned a corner or is cynically pretending to do so to avoid facing his/her truth?
An Earlier Ploy by Lavan
R. Samson Raphael Hirsch suggested a previous example of Lavan’s attempted misdirection and thinks Ya’akov caught and parried it. After Rachel gives birth to Yosef, 30;25, Ya’akov asks Lavan’s permission to leave, he having completed his side of the bargain, worked for his father in law for fourteen years for two wives. Lavan, verses 27-28, says he knows his household has been blessed by Ya’akov’s presence, then suggests Ya’akov name the reward/salary he wants for all his hard work. The text signals no break between the two, but our Torah reading practice stops in the middle for chamishi, the fifth aliyah of the Shabbat morning reading.
R. Hirsch says it is not coincidental. Lavan wanted to keep Ya’akov, for his cheap hard work, wanted him to stay just for room and board. He uses God’s Name (“I have divined that God has blessed me because of you”), acts as if he himself is (now) God fearing, and is asking Ya’akov to stay to maintain/sustain the fear of God he has brought to the household.
R. Hirsch pauses parenthetically on the word nichashti, I have divined. In his time too, he says, people with no sense of God act as if they do because of their superstitious activities, their ways of trying to predict the future. Another example of where those who in fact try to serve God must be able to recognize when others talk the talk, yet are not at all involved in the walk.
It was really just business, to avoid having to pay Ya’akov what he had earned.
Ya’akov Knows Lavan
Ya’akov doesn’t say anything in the verse, to R. Hirsch a sign he did not take the bait. Reaching for his next best ploy, Lavan asked Ya’akov to name his price, a way of putting him on the spot, daring him to ask what he’s really worth. Ya’akov instead calls out his father in law, says you know well how hard I have worked for you, did not need any nichush, divination; the blessings from God weren’t a function of any righteousness I have, they rewarded my hard work, and I need now to apply that to the good of my family.
A setup that justifies the payoff he then puts forward.
To me, R. Hirsch is spotting a master class by Ya’akov on how to deal with manipulative people: refuse to respond to ridiculous remarks, wait for an opening to address the substance, force the hypocrite to acknowledge basic truths, and then ask/demand what one clearly deserves.
From Torah Musings, here.