חנניה ווייסמאן Chananya Weissman

One day a yungeleit by the name of Yankel decided to get married. Unfortunately, his aged father was already broken from previous “simchas”. He had sold his apartment, liquidated his assets and meager savings, and gone deep into debt that he had no realistic hope of recovering from. No, poor dad wasn’t going to be able to fulfill his fatherly obligations with Yankel’s wedding. Poor dad had failed Yankel.

It occurred to Yankel in a moment of weakness that he should go over to the dark side and earn money to pay for his own wedding. Yankel quickly said some Tehillim and repeated a few mantras (“God will provide”, “People who work aren’t yirei shamayim“, “What would the neighbors say”, etc.), and the Yetzer Hara’s pernicious voice was stilled.

It then occurred to Yankel that the girl’s family should pay for the entire wedding. But wait! The Gedolei Chelm had recently ruled that the boy’s family should share the expenses, so that the poverty and hardship should be distributed a little more evenly. So that eitza was no longer practical.

It then occurred to Yankel that he should perhaps have a less extravagant wedding. After all, just because everyone else was going deep into debt to pay for a Rolls-Royce Wedding, why couldn’t he have a Toyota Wedding? They would be just as married and might even have some money left over to get their married life started off in a more appropriate fashion.

“Fool!” cried his Yetzer Tov. “You will be the laughingstock of Chelm! Your children will never get shidduchim! Everyone else is making extravagant weddings. You have to do what everyone else does.”

“But wait,” said Yankel. “Just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do or even a very intelligent thing to do. I see how so many other families are suffering a nightmarish fate. Why should I go down that road? Why can’t I be different?”

“Heresy!” cried the Yetzer Tov. “Have you become infected with secular ideas all of a sudden? You must do what everyone else is doing and you must never complain.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right,” replied Yankel. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m just so scared.”

“Shh, don’t worry,” said the Yetzer Tov, flashing a shiny grin. “You will have a fancy wedding just like everyone else. Your Rosh Yeshiva said you’re one of the top boys and that you have a bright future in learning. You might even be a Gadol some day! The shadchan said you’re a great catch. Of course you’re going to have a fancy wedding that you can’t afford. You DESERVE it!”

“You’re right!” said Yankel, his face brightening. “I do deserve it! And if I can’t pay for it, someone else should! I’m going to take out an ad in the newspaper and beg for the money! It’s the only dignified thing to do!”

“Now you’re talking!” said the Yetzer Tov. “And remember… it’s a mitzva for people to support you!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rabbi Chananya Weissman is the founder of EndTheMadness and the author of seven books, including “Go Up Like a Wall” and “How to Not Get Married: Break these rules and you have a chance”. Many of his writings are available at www.chananyaweissman.com. He is also the director and producer of a documentary on the shidduch world, Single Jewish Male, and The Shidduch Chronicles, available on YouTube. He can be contacted at admin@endthemadness.org.

From Chananya Weissman, here.

Troubling news has reached my ears and caused my soul to quake with terror. A wave of destruction is sweeping through our holy community. Who can sit quietly?

I have heard from several people I consider to be reliable who claim that they have heard from others they consider to be reliable that irresponsible and inappropriate bans have been issued. This has been going on for quite some time, rachmana litzlan. Our path is filled with stumbling blocks and our children are being lowered into the abyss by this plague.

Good people have been banned. Books have been banned. Earning a living has been banned. Education has been banned. The Internet has been banned. Pizza stores with tables and chairs have been banned. Recreation has been banned. Buses have been banned. Water has been banned. Fruits and vegetables have been banned. Wigs have been banned. Grocery stores have been banned. Exercise has been banned. Most clothing that is perfectly modest has been banned. Cell phones have been banned. Newspapers have been banned. Normal events for singles have been banned. Publications that advertise any of the aforementioned have been banned. The list goes on and on.

The yetzer hara dances among us and the heavens cry. If this malady is not stopped then all will be taken from us. Laughter will be banned. The air we breathe will be banned. Life itself will be banned.

Furthermore, Torah and its scholars are being shamed as a result of these bans. I have heard from at least one person who is God-fearing that bans have been issued in a manner that abuses the concepts of bans and rabbinic oversight, one that would cause our forefathers to clap their hands in despair. Books have been banned without being read. Individuals have been banned from afar based strictly on hearsay.

Bans have been issued that have little basis in halacha and contain nothing but threats and emotional appeals. Bans have been issued that demonstrate no appreciation for nuance and gray area, no ability to weigh more than one side of a matter, and no concern for whether the destruction they cause may be greater than that which they seek to prevent. Bans have destroyed reputations, families, communities, and people’s lives. There seems to be no end in sight.

Bans have become so debased that they no longer produce fear of Heaven, only fear of social reprisals. They do not create greater desire for true knowledge of the Torah and what Hashem wants of us, only a greater desire to be “safe” and accepted. In some cases, bans even create a greater desire for that which they seek to eliminate, as they draw attention to perceived threats that would otherwise prove irrelevant. Bans used to inform the community and protect it from real dangers. Nowadays, bans are weapons that destroy lives, bring scorn to Judaism, and perpetuate fear and ignorance.

I have therefore come to reveal my Da’as Torah on this matter that it is a serious issur to issue a ban of any kind or to join with those who issue them. There is absolutely no room for leniency in this matter for men or women, old or young, and this prohibition certainly extends upon those who are directly responsible for issuing these bans.

I am hereby banning all bans subsequent to this one without exception until Hashem has mercy on us and brings Moshiach to illuminate the way before us. Included in this ban are Kol Korehs, Azhara Chamuras, and similar proclamations. I ban the publishers of these bans, I ban those who paste them on bulletin boards, I ban the bulletin boards themselves, and I ban all publications that print these bans.

This ban has the support of all the gedolim and, by implication, those who do not support this ban are not gedolim. There is a severe obligation on parents and teachers to educate the young regarding this matter, as the Torah says, “Teach your children, etc.”

In the merit of keeping our camp holy and following this ban, Hashem will surely settle His presence among us and bring joy to His people. Joy, with Hashem’s help, that will never be banned.