Catching the Eye
A deeper look at the fight between Esav’s malach and Yaakov reveals an answer to a question that arises: Why do so many people stumble particularly in the area of the bris?
The malach of Esav struck Yaakov’s hip socket: vayiga b’kaf yeraicho, he struck the hip-socket.[17] This refers to the bris milah as seen in the phrase sim na yadcha tachas yeraichi, put your hand under my thigh.[18] The yetzer hara remains entrenched in this area of the bris, persistently causing people to stumble.
In 1950, the Satmar Rebbe remarked that his chassidim saw more on a single bus ride from Williamsburg to Manhattan than their grandparents had seen in an entire lifetime in the shtetl.
On a Thursday night in Teves in 1984, a 19-year-old boy visited the Steipler (1899–1985). The boy shared that since Elul he had undertaken a personal commitment to enhance his vigilance in shemiras einayim. He related to the Steipler that although he was careful with this, that morning, while visiting a doctor in Tel Aviv, he momentarily stumbled in this area. The Steipler asked him, “Was there even a single moment you resisted your yetzer hara in that situation?” “Yes” was the reply. Hearing this, the 85-year-old Steipler declared, “If I were younger and had the strength, I would stand up for you! Every moment a person conquers the yetzer hara in this area, he is actually like Yosef Hatzadik… The goal is not absolute victory but to keep fighting. Never stop fighting!”
In the context of shemiras einayim[19] we can apply the phrase ani lo basi bigvulah hie ba’ah bigvuli, I did not come into her domain, she came into my domain.[20] This means a person must ask: “Do I actively seek out improper sites or did it come into my domain?” Or the question can be asked: “Did it catch your eye or were you looking for it?”[21]
A helpful perspective for shemiras einayim is understanding that each person is allotted a fixed amount of pain and pleasure in life. Any pain endured as a consequence of guarding your eyes reduces the predetermined quota of life’s suffering. Conversely, if you get pleasure from the lack of shemiras einayim, it depletes the store of pleasure otherwise destined for you.
In one of the Al Cheits we say, “for our sin with the evil inclination” (al cheit she’chatanu l’fanecha b’yetzer hara). This seems puzzling—aren’t all sins committed due to the yetzer hara?
The answer lies in the fact that we often create situations that empower the yetzer hara. A person might encounter inappropriate sights, but such temptations could have been avoided by choosing a different path or environment.[22]
[17] Breishis 32:26.
[18] Breishis 24:2, Rashi.
[19] R’ Shimshon Dovid Pincus once remarked, “After I pass away I hope to meet R’ Akiva Eiger. He will likely ask me to explain Tosafos on Baba Metzia 21a, to which I will honestly reply ‘I don’t know.’ But then I’ll pose my own question: ‘When was the last time you had to walk through Yaffo street in Downtown Yerushalayim and avert your eyes from improper sights?’ I will not be able to answer his question but he won’t be able to answer mine either.”
[20] Avoda Zara 3:4. The phrase v’Noach matza chein b’einei Hashem, Noach found grace in the eyes of Hashem (Breishis 6:8) can be interpreted as Noach possessed “godly eyes,” meaning he refrained from gazing at inappropriate sights. Another interpretation is that he found grace in Hashem’s eyes because of his vigilance in guarding his eyes.
[21] There was once a successful traveling businessman named Dovid who maintained his shemiras einayim by habitually tilting his head downward while walking. During one of his business trips to a foreign city, a stranger named Joe approached him and asked with concern, “Are you okay? I noticed you’re walking with your head down.” Caught off guard, Dovid spontaneously replied, “I am an orthodox Jew and we strive not to look at anything inappropriate.” Joe was intrigued, “Wow, that’s incredible. I am not Jewish but my mother is.” Dovid smiled and gently clarified, “Actually, if your mother is Jewish, that means you’re also Jewish.” Joe stood in shock. “So I am part of these people that live on a higher plane?!” That chance encounter sparked something within Joe. Inspired by the values he had just discovered, he eventually embraced an observant Jewish life. And it all began with one man’s unwavering commitment to shemiras einayim.
[22] The story is told of a man who was unable to sleep at night because of his fear of a “boogeyman” under his bed. To resolve this issue, he headed to a psychologist. After several meetings he stopped his visits to the psychologist. When he later bumped into the psychologist on the street, he explained that his problem was resolved: “My Rabbi said, ‘Just cut the legs of the bed off and then there will be no room for the ‘boogeyman.’” Many issues in our lives could be resolved if we would cut the legs off of the issue by not getting into the problem in the first place. For example, a person may have an issue with looking at the improper when this easily could be solved by not traveling down those streets where he could avoid such tests.
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