Anti-Government Humor Makes Aliyah

As a vital public service, I converted some old American anti-congress lines to Israeli anti-Knesset lines.

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a [Knesset Member] can.

• Mark Twain

Suppose you were [a Tembel]. And suppose you were a member of [Knesset]. But I repeat myself.

• Mark Twain

The taxpayers are sending [Knesset Members] on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!

• Will Rogers

This country has come to feel the same when [Knesset] is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

• Will Rogers

With [the Knesset], every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

• Will Rogers

The only way to get elected to [Knesset] is to raise a bunch of campaign money, and pretty much the only way to do that is to already be a member of [Knesset].

• Dave Barry

[Knesset], after years of stalling, finally got around to clearing the way for informal discussions that might lead to possible formal talks that could potentially produce some kind of tentative agreements.

• Dave Barry

[Knesset] shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the [worst committees] and the largest member of the [Bagatz], plus a standard [Tenuvah cow].

The question is: What can we, as citizens, do to reform our tax system? As you know, under our three-branch system of government, the tax laws are created by Satan. But he works through the [Knesset], so that’s where we must focus our efforts.

Here’s my proposal, which is based on the TV show “[Hisardut]”: We put the entire [Knesset] on an island. All the food on this island is locked inside a vault, which can be opened only by an ordinary [Israeli] taxpayer named [Baruch]. Every day, the [Knesset members] are given a section of the Tax Code, which they must rewrite so that [Baruch] can understand it. If he can, he lets them eat that day; if he can’t, he doesn’t.

Or, he can give them food either way. It doesn’t matter. The main thing is, we never let them off the island.

• Dave Barry

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time [Knesset] meets.

• Will Rogers