To Ask or Not To Ask
by the Chazon Ish zt’l
The Chazon Ish, Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz (1878-1953), one of the greatest Torah luminaries of recent times, lived in Israel from 1933 until his passing. His views, actions, halachic rulings and writings continue to have a major influence on the fabric of Torah life everywhere.
from “Kovetz Igerot 3:134”
“If your will is to ask something from your fellow (re’echa),
Weight it with scales – if you will attain your request,
And don’t say ‘what will leave me if I ask and he will refuse my request?’
Know, that you have lost a great deal with your action,
Because you are not guaranteed for yourself of not having aroused anger in your heart – on your fellow’s refusal.
Also your fellow’s heart becomes sneaky (mitganev), in thinking that your heart is on (i.e. upset with) him.
And you, between brothers you divided, and you’ve increased sinas chinam (baseless hatred, the cause of the temple’s destruction).
And he whose words are light (i.e. talks alot without thinking) and he is used to making requests – he hates and is hated.”
From Daf Yomi Review, here.